RIP

     This past week has probably been one of the hardest weeks of my life.  My grandmother who I had spent a lot of time with not to mentioned lived with on and off past away, last Saturday night after a short battle with dementia.  It all started with a couple of phone calls which stated that she had collapsed while trying to eat dinner, in which I was not sure how to react, you see my family has a tendency of overreacting to just about every situation.  I was told it was not necessary for me to show up to the hospital as it looks like it was something simple and she would be back on her feet in no time, well something just did not seem right to me.  After a few minutes of being upset and contimplating making another phone call I start to realize that this was going to be it, I just had that gut feeling, and I was right.  I see the text message from dad respond back that "it may be a good idea" which was in response to my message "are you sure I do not need to go to the hospital tonight?  I rush to get ready and my girlfriend and I head off to the hospital not exactly knowing what to expect.
     As I walk into the hospital I see my dad coming in (since we got lost and headed in the complete opposite direction) and I pause for a minute to let him catch up.  He informs that they are taking her off the ventilator, so in my head I already am assuming the best I mean obviously if shes coming off the ventilator she must be breathing on her own and starting to come back to.  What I was not paying attention is everything else he is telling me, I have some sort of tunnel vision.  As we get closer and closer to ICU I start to see family members (cousins, aunts, uncles etc) and my head begins to race as to what is going on, its at this point that I realize that it is a lot more serious of a situation, and that is when all of the thoughts begin racing through my head.  As I walk into her room she is on a ventilator with all types of wires etc.  attached to her body and here is where I start to breakdown.  I absolutely  hate hospitals, every time I am there all I feel is death and it scares the hell out of me.  I walk over to the bed and tell her I love her and that I am here for her now, in my head I know its to late but I also know that she can hear me.  I say hello to all my family members and this is when I start to hear about what exactly happened, that she had been eating dinner and began to choke.  My grandfather had called 911 and by the time the paramedics showed up she had already been over 3 minutes without oxygen.  As I talk to family members my dad, uncles, and aunts are talking with the doctor, and make the decision to remove the breathing tube.  Again I start to think that this is going to be a good thing but I realize that at this point there is no coming back, she had been without oxygen for so long that any life, that was left would be a life of being in that hospital bed.  I realize that this is the best decision that can be made.  The doctors begin to make final arrangements, priests being called for last rights, talking to the family about things and so on.  I realize this is going to be the last time I see her alive.  As we wait for the priest we talk as a family we remember her life, we talk about all the good times, all the stories.  We say our final prayer for her and we leave the room, the doctors remove the tubes and we are admitted back into the room.
     While we are waiting outside my grandfather tells me he wants me by his side (you see I have always been his favorite grandson) obviously I agree even though I know this is going to be one of the hardest things I ever have to do, but its his request and I want to do it, so I am there from the minute we walk back into the room until the time I leave.  In all honesty I do not know how I held anything together.  All I know is I wanted to be strong for him, I did not want to make him upset.  After a few hours my aunt tells me and my cousins to head home reminding us that when our uncle was taken off the tubes he lived another 9 days, and to remember that our family has always been stubborn and fought all the way to the end.  As I say goodbye to everyone for the evening I am already planning on heading back first thing in the morning and being able to spend just a few more minutes with my grandmother, unfortunately I never got that chance.  At about 5:30am I get the phone call from my uncle that she has passed.  It was very odd that I had waken up about a minute or two before my phone rang, maybe it was her telling me she was going or that she had already left.  Knowing my grandmother she probably waited until everyone had left, from what I hear it was a fight for the last hour or two and she gave it everything she had.  Thankfully my grandfather was not there to see what had happened that last two hours, as strong as I saw him that day I do not know if he could have held it together.
     Monday through Wednesday were probably the longest days of my life.  Between wakes and the funeral, my body was physically and mentally gone, the last thing I cared about was training or eating right.  I tried but it just wasn't there I have not had the appetite or the motivation to get back on track.  It is slowly starting to come back, I forced myself to workout Saturday and it felt great, I am slowly getting back on track with my diet and I am starting to feel better each day.  I know my grandmother would not want me sulking or sitting here back tracking on what I believe in, or what I am working so hard for.  This family fights for everything and will always do that, we do not go away easily!  Although I have lost both of my grandmothers in the last year and a half, they have taught me to never give up and never give in, through all the hardship and pain there is pride in what we believe in.  Even though neither of them understood why I wanted to start bodybuilding or even really understand why I want to, I am going to dedicate the next year or so of training to their memory, I am going to fight for what I want and I am going to push myself to train as hard as I can to be where I wanna be the next time I step on stage.

Its time to get back to work, and show them that I have the same fight in me as they did in them!

RIP:
Grandma Griffin
Grandma Kroloweicz
and friend Jonathon Burzyinski, one of the hardest working, most dedicated people I have ever met.